The Internet is a series of tubes.

This series of tubes exists in a dark, unfounded place that’s humid and full of breeding bacteria…and viruses.  Thus, sometimes media goes VIRAL on the internet.  One moment you’re chilling out maxin’, relaxin’ all cool, making your dreams come true in Robot Unicorn Attack and then BAM, someone links it. It can sneak up on you so quickly that you’ll never know what hit you until it is 6am and you haven’t been able to sleep for 5 hours because you find yourself with a song stuck in your head that makes you want to cry.

Good examples of things that have gone viral:

• George Watsky’s video “Pale Kid Raps Fast"
• Jennifer Aniston advertising “Smart Water” AKA Jen Anniston’s Sex Tape(omg puppies)
• The Bed Intruder Song (hide yo kids, hide yo wife, fosho)

But no, it’s not one of those that I find myself unable to shake off. It’s Rebecca Black’s nasally, preteen infested, screechy song/video “Friday.

For your viewing pleasure: 

Now tell me, aside from being so terrible that it’s hilarious, how did this come to be?

ARK Music Factory.

This company based in California offers ‘young artists’ a way to branch out into the entertainment industry. They write songs for/with the artist, make the song/video, and then publish it (for a fee, of course). ARK music is also responsible for Alana Lee and this. Honestly, if you read up on them, they sound just a wee bit shady. I have to give it to them, though. They know the market.

So anyway, ARK puts out this video and it lights up like a wildfire. Has anyone actually LISTENED to it, though?

“Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal”

 You should really invest in some oatmeal. The sugar that is most likely caked into your cereal has done this to your face: 

Your friends are illegal. 

You are 14, they are around your age as well. You are not legal to drive in the state of California alone. AND ON TOP OF THAT, where are your seatbelts?! THIS IS DANGEROUS.

Know what the hardest part of Rebecca Black’s day is?

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Deciding where she wants to sit. I seriously wish that was the hardest part of my day. Life would be grand. Ignorance is bliss, amirite? But really girlie, one, you don’t want to be in the car with these underage drivers. I don’t care if they’re your friends or not. Two, the front seat is CLEARLY taken. She called shotgun before you even WOKE UP this morning. (How do you ‘kick it’ in the front seat anyway?) Your only option is the back seat. And really, can’t you chill no matter where you sit? Man, screw this, just take the cheese wagon. 

You’ll be a hell of a lot safer.

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly

Unsafe driving procedures. I’d like to see your license, registration, and while you’re at it, birth certificates.

My friend is by my right, ay

Okay, if your friend is by your right…who the frick is this chick? 

And why are you leaving her hanging like that? For reals, dawg? I know the camera is just bad, so it’s not like there’s anything wrong with her but dawg, that’s cold.

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)

…

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards

BLESS YOU CHILD. I HAD NO IDEA. I want to personally thank you for reminding me what today is. Friday is pay day. Thanks.

This is the ARK Music Factory producer Patrice Wilson. He cameos in a lot of the videos they produce. His face says it all, honestly.

He’s rapping this:

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

But to me his face says, “Aww, frick. I don’t get paid enough for this.”

BUT HEY, these are just my opinions. All that really matters it that it’s the weekend and the pool is open.

I’M I’M I’M SO EXCITED.

***I don't really hate Rebecca Black. I bought the song off iTunes. I just like taking it apart and laughing at it out of context. =]